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| All Posts Table of Contents |
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Kisses+Disses : Garbage Men + Barometers
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I ran up and down the stairs this morning. Huffing and puffing. It was a workout. That's how much I was running. I asked him where the picture was. JD had no idea what I was talking about. I sigh. The picture of OUR DAUGHTER!! He still had no idea what I was talking about.
Back up a sec... Last week we went to Dave&Buster's. On a Friday night. Which is akin to, say, Friday night at Walmart in the Midwest. A bunch of people walking around trying to kill time and waste money. With adult beverages. And yes this happens at Walmart too...I saw a documentary about Walmart once. Except Midwesterners take their own coolers and hide them in their Camaros. So, yes, Dave&Buster's. At the end of the night, JD and I sat in a game machine that took pictures of our faces and then produced a picture of what our future daughter would look like. Let's just say when I saw the picture, I was visibly shaken. Reason #4,982 to explain to my mother-in-law why I don't have a child. Internet, it was scary. This morning... I thought it would be funny to blog the picture of our future daughter. You know, so I could scare you too. But I couldn't find the picture. Then I ran up and down the stairs and sighed. And that's when it hit me: JD threw the picture away. HE THREW AWAY A PICTURE OF OUR FIRST CHILD. How can I be married to such a man?! Who would do that?! Internet, JD scarred me today. And I'm still trying to forgive him. Which leads to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*Husbands who throw away pictures of their first pretend child. *AT&T. Whenever I hear these three letters, I can't help but twitch and raise an angry iPhone. *Walmart. Any place you can buy a lamp, garden hose, and a ham at the same time scares me. |
| This week's KISSES go to:
* :) . Yes, a big kiss to smiley faces in emails. Those two symbols together can change the entire tone of a sentence...love it. *Antique stores. I bought a barometer (with cracked glass) last week for $21 for a new cabinet. Go ahead. Be jealous. *Pickles. A dill pickle next to a sandwich makes the world a better place. **And a bonus kiss to Tanya at Photographer's Edit for always giving great customer service and taking such good care of me! |
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Kisses and Disses : Wipes + The World Cup
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H e's what I call a Marketer's Dream. He's the kind of person NYC marketers sit in their corner boardrooms and dream about. He's the kind of guy that likes to be sold to. And he also happens to be my husband. JD loves anything and everything that's packaged, jingled, and cha-chinged. And it's the most annoying thing. Ever. I mean, when waitresses see him, they know his kind. They offer the pureed strawberry lemonade, the signature appetizers, and chived sour cream for only $2.00 more. And he always says yes. Oh, because it's SIGNATURE.
I've grown accustomed to this behavior. Kinda. Yesterday I walked in from the gym and Polo did his happy wiggle. I got on the floor and kissed him, like always. I called him Stinker...then JD asked me if Polo was really stinky. Because he has something for that. For stinkyness, I ask. JD then offers the following: |
| Wipes. WIPES?!? Now, that's just too much. Some bald, bellied man in NYC is laughing in his boardroom when he realizes JD actually BOUGHT THE WIPES. Because, really? Who buys wipes for their dog?! Oh, my little Marketer's Dream.
This leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*Bald, bellied marketers in NYC who sell dog wipes. *Husbands who buy said wipes. *Receiving newsletters I never subscribed to. It drives me irrationally crazy. |
| This week's KISSES go to:
*The World Cup. Because, really, how can those players look so rawr after 90 minutes of running, sweating, and pretend-fouling? *This American Life podcast. I'm obsessed with Ira Glass. I listen to him while I work and we're a pretend couple. In my mind. Which is so normal. *Martha Stewart wall paint. My bathroom is now Persimmon thanks to Martha's line at Home Depot. Oh, what? You think persimmon sounds fancy? IT SO IS. Happy Tuesday! |
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Kisses and Disses : Acupuncture + Ezekiel Bread
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I t just got to a point where I walked around like I was auditioning for a remake of The Golden Girls. You know, the one where they invite their Latina neighbor to come live with them. I walked around with my hand to my lower back and my face scrunched like I was very focussed on the next step. Slowwwwwly. Painfully. Where's Rose when you need her?!
My mother in law, upon hearing of my back aches, suggested I try acupuncture. This is also the same lady who harbors Chinese herbs in her cabinet like China was disappearing. Forever. And guess what? I MARRIED HER SON. Who also collects said herbs. Please don't get him started on ginger root. Where was I? Oh, yes. Acupuncture. So my mother in law suggests her acupuncturist and JD sets up an appointment. There I am laying on my stomach with, oh, like a thousand needles in my back and I think to myself, Why didn't I just rub the ginger root on my back like JD suggested?! Then...then! Then the acupuncturist--who doesn't speak english very well but whispers soothingly--hooks the needle to a stimulation machine. You know, the one that jolts your muscles with ELECTRIC CURRENT. I get home and tell JD of the ordeal. Then he apologizes because he sent me to the wrong acupuncturist. The one his mother never suggested. So this is the part of the Golden Girls episode where Blanche and Rose sit in the kitchen, toast with a cup of coffee, and the laughing track fills the air. Except in my life we sit in the kitchen and toast with ginger root tea. And this brings me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*Acupuncture, at least of the stimulation variation. *The Phoenix Suns. They're kinda slowing down the pace for the Lakers to win the NBA Finals. Let's get it together, boys. *Pictureless frames. Yes. Yes, I have frames in my house without pictures in them. HUNG ON THE WALL. Please don't get me started. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Acupuncture. I found a new acupuncturist and so far he's been great. I'm still debating if it's a good fit for me, but I'm willing to try. *My mother in law. I love her Chinese heritage, but I love more that she's passed her best qualities to her son. *Ezekiel Raisin Bread. This organic, sprouted grain bread is delicious and a healthy breakfast option...and doesn't taste like cardboard. |
| Happy Monday! |
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Kisses and Disses : Chutney + Budgets
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I stared up at my friends in horror from the cement, hoping against all odds THAT didn't just happen. Oh, but it did. On our way to dinner on Monday night in Downtown San Diego--laughing, hungry after a workout, and tired from a full day--we walked the streets in search of the perfect Indian restaurant. As we rushed across the street to avoid the red light, I quickly stepped onto the sideway and then...slipped.
And not like a graceful, elicit pity slip. It was straight out of a cartoon...you know, where I'm suspended in midair for nine seconds while my feet pedal in hopes of avoiding a fall. Next thing I know, I pancake the sidewalk. Then I pray for God to send a giant earthquake to SWALLOW ME WHOLE. I lay on the floor while my friends rush over and ask if I had a seizure. Or momentarily levitated. After a few seconds, I dust my ego off and get back on my feet. Just then a group of dashing Don Draper lookalikes approach me and I kinda hope they ask if I'm okay. You know, so I can bat my eyes and act all Grace Kelly. Instead, the one with the red tie smiles and says, Don't worry, none of us saw you fall! So, yeah, this leads me to another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*The guy wearing the red tie. I mean, really? I fell...in public...hard. Couldn't he have let a girl bat her eyelashes?! *One-ply toilet paper. Why even bother making it anymore? *Budgets. Yes, I need to stay away from shopping for a bit...I got all Girl in the Green Scarf for a hot minute, so I need to check myself. Ummm, let's hope for the best. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Apricot chutney. Tried it for the first time on Monday night and my life? Will never be the same. Chutney completes me. *Trader Joe's Midsummer Night's Cream. Yes, this cream is uber moisturizing and leaves your freshly shaven legs shiny. Say it with me now, Ooooooh... *Mail. Random, I know. But everyday I check the mailbox to see if I've received a note or card. I sound pathetic admitting this online, but I don't care. I love paper...and words...and signatures. I save all notes I receive because I've convinced myself one day I'm going to find a cool way to display them all. Whoa, I have issues. Happy Friday! |
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Kisses and Disses : Locks + Photographer's Edit
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Y ou know that feeling when you realize you've done something really, really stupid? And then you laugh? Okay, well, I laugh. Which is probably the worst thing. Ever. It's an awful trait I've picked up from my father and even though I try not to, I laugh when I make a mistake. Or do something stupid. Which is often.
A few days ago, I looked at the clock and realized I was late for a class at the gym and worried I'd lose my spot (here in the OC, the perils of losing one's 'spot' at the gym is akin to missing a flight, so hold the hating). I grabbed my gym bag and darted downstairs to catch JD and Polo before they left on a morning walk. No luck. I walked outside to holler a goodbye, but they were nowhere to be found. I ran back inside, grabbed my stuff, and exited through the garage. When I returned home later, I walked through the garage door into the kitchen and that's when I heard it. Incessant doorbell ringing and rapid door-knocking. I froze in fear. I'm about to get robbed! Oh, yes, because in my world, robbers RING THE DOORBELL. Once I got enough courage to look through the peephole, I saw JD. Sweating bullets. I opened the door and Polo collapsed at my feet, panting. JD walked passed me and muttered, You locked us out.... And that's when it happened...the thing I hate the most. I laughed. Not in the haha that's-funny kind of way, but in the haha I-can't-believe-I-just-did-that-kind-of-way. But most people only ever hear my laugh as haha. And when you're angry, that's probably the last thing you want to hear. I quickly apologized, but Polo and JD weren't having it. That's when I brought out the big guns. The words you save for big blunders such as this. It's MY DAD'S FAULT! That's right. In my world (where you lock your loved ones outside in the heat, and robbers ring the doorbell), blaming a parent for questionable personality traits is totally acceptable. And this leads me to this's weeks Kisses+Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to...
*Doors that lock. Obviously. *Taxes. Could be just me, but if I had the power to move the decimal point just one spot to the left, life would be so much better. *Me. For blaming dear old dad, for locking my boys out, and for laughing at inappropriate times. |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Rainbow sandals. I've had my Rainbows for well over nine years and though JD thinks it's time for their retirement, I'm rooting for them. Best flip-flops ever. *Photographer's Edit. Oh, how I love Nathan and his team! I outsource my raw processing to Photographer's Edit and they're just a wonderful element to my workflow...and life! {If you're interested in a 20% discount off your first order, use the jstar2010 code....holllllla!) *Modern Family on ABC. I didn't watch this show until a couple weeks ago. While stuck in bed with food poisoning, I browsed Hulu and came across Modern Family. This show is so hilarious and well written and just darn good. Big kiss to quality programming! |
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2009 |
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2008 |
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2007 |
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| © 2010 Jasmine Star Photography | Blog by infinet design |
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