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Kisses and Disses : LOST + Wheat Thins
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S o I have this thing. An issue of sorts. You see, if I see something on sale or clearance--something I might need in the next 87 years or so--I must buy it. No, really, I can't walk away from the sale item without putting it in my basket or suffering from an anxiety attack. After endless begging one night while in Target for a fireplace broom on triple clearance (I love me some red stickers!), JD turned to me and said, We don't even have a fireplace, why would we need a fireplace broom?!
Ummm, because one day we'll own a fireplace and HOW WILL I CLEAN IT?! Speaking of cleaning, I was scrubbing our bathroom last week and looked under the sink to find the following: |
| With my yellow cleaning gloves on, I marched up to JD and asked why he hid the...thing...the green swan...the planter...the thing I bought from Anthropologie. I paid good money for it and it was on sale and we should display it. Jas, I hid it there four months ago...and really? What is it? Oh, just something I BOUGHT ON SALE. From Anthropologie. Should I repeat that last part again because that store? It's where cool people shop.
We went back and forth debating whether he could find the same thing at a swap meet in Mexico, and I dramatically flung my yellow hands in the air with angst. We later decided it was on sale for a reason. And, yes, I bought it because it was on sale. JD breathed a sigh of relief and asked if he could throw it away. No, silly, I said, I'm going to put it in the pile with the fireplace broom for that garage sale I want to have one day! This leads me to another installment of Kisses+Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*Red sale stickers. Those little buggers are going to be the end of me! *The rain. Internet, I live in California for a reason. It's called The Sun. *LOST. Dear producers at ABC, please make the show work again...because it's not. Working, that is. Locke has too much face time and you can't just go and add a lighthouse and mirrors when you want to. Really, let's get it together. |
| This week's KISSES go to:
*The B School Party in Las Vegas. The first year I went to WPPI, I heard of this infamous party, but it was invite only and exclusive to the cool kids (clearly I wasn't invited). Well, the party has gotten so big throughout the years, it's now open to everyone, so go get a ticket as it'll be one heck of a shindig! *Citizen of Humanity for creating a virtually amazing skinny pant. Ladies, you'll thank me after you put on these pants...it's like black stretch pants/jeans/comfiness all rolled into one. You can wear them with heels or boots, dressed up or down. Perfection! *A big kiss goes to the new Showit website...it's so awesome and I'm proud to be featured with such amazing company. *A bonus kiss goes to Reduced Fat Wheat Thins. Where would I be without them? No lie, I have three boxes in my pantry. BECAUSE THEY WERE ON SALE. |
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Kisses and Disses : Jetlag + Floss
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J etlag. Modern day torment for just about anyone. I'm usually on my a-game when it comes to jetlag. Armed with plenty of water, happy thoughts, and sleep aids, I've usually fallen back into rhythm a day or two. Usually, being the key word. Why. Oh, WHY, was I awake at 3am in the morning memorizing binary codes and craving watermelon juice? My mind was running a million miles a second when--WAIT!--no, no! JD, I whisper desperately in the darkness, I need to scrub the toilets! In a sleepy stupor, JD promises me the toilets can be scrubbed in the morning.
BUT! WHAT! ABOUT! THOSE! GERMS!? JD makes me take ten deep breaths and I calm down. Then I realize I'm hungry. Really, really hungry. No, starving. In fact, I'm so starving I can't sleep. You see?! This is why I can't sleep. I'm hungry. JD is awake by now and the thought of chips and salsa won't let me relax. The salsa? I'm convinced it'll save my life and cradle me to sleep. So there we are. Just past 3am eating chips and salsa, our shadows slow-moving blobs from the glow of the television. I decide I really need the Slap Chop and any other product an informercial will fling my way. In protest to his objections, I tell JD, But I'm just two easy installments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling away from ... |
| In the morning, I wake up and realize I'm tired. And despite the rigorous brushing, my breath is oniony. But I'm happy knowing what while jetlag robbed a few hours of sleep from me, my unscrubbed toilets are waiting...and I've happily added the Slap Chop to my birthday wishlist.
Now for another installment of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to..
*Jetlag. Duh. *Husbands who say no to infomercials. *Laundry. I wish one of those kids from Jersey Shore would offer to come do a few loads for me. (Gym...Tan...Laundry) |
| This week's KISSES go to...
*Virgin Australia. JD and I got upgraded on the way from from Sydney for free...we clinked our miniature champagne glasses and toasted Richard Branson for being so awesome. Big, big kiss. *Frye Boots. JD bought me these boots for Christmas and I didn't take them off for three whole weeks while in New Zealand and Australia. Comfortable, stylish, and fun. *Waxed dental floss. While traveling I used unwaxed dental floss and it drove me nuts. Being home with minty wax goodness gliding through my big teeth makes feel complete again. *bing!* |
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Kisses and Disses : Christmas Carols + Cards
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S o. Christmas music. JD and I butt heads regarding Christmas music. I think his mother traumatized him as a child or something because every time he hears a legit carol, he gets a nervous twitch in his left eye and he tilts his neck so that his right ear and right shoulder touch. Repeatedly. I adore Christmas music, but my husband will stand outside our house and picket my song choices.
Once, I let him choose Christmas music he liked and, I kid you not, he chose the strangest electric guitar, hip-hop, lounge music I've ever heard. I swear, he made Mrs. Clause cry. Somewhere in the North Pole, an elf died because of JD's music choice. It was THAT bad. As of yesterday, we've made a deal. I get to listen to my music in the morning, and he gets to listen to his music in the afternoon. And every afternoon, I mourn the loss of a little elf in Santa's Village. And it's ALL JD'S FAULT. Oh, Internet, I have no doubt he'll be getting a lump of coal in his stocking this year. And me? Well, I'll be getting what every good little girl wants: MY ENTIRE CHRISTMAS LIST. A pony included. This leads me to another installment of Kisses + Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
* JD's music choices and the mass disappearance of elves. * People who steal your parking spot at the mall. I mean, really? Who still does that? Stealing spots is so Fried Green Tomatoes in the 80's! * Food poisoning. Big--HUGE--diss to food poisoning. Or stomach viruses. Or whatever has left in invalid for the past four days. |
| This week's KISSES go to:
*Christmas cards. I don't know I love them so much, but I do. I have them lined up in my living room and they make me feel special seeing friends and family sending well wishes. * The Blind Side. Strangely enough, we walked into the wrong theater for this movie...we were supposed to see the new George Clooney movie, but somehow ended up in The Blind Side theater. Best 'mistake' in a long time. The movie was so special and I cried. More than once. * Bing Crosby for being the bestest carole singer ever. Happy Tuesday! |
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Kisses and Disses : Brushes + Cyber Monday
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I really wasn't the kind of kid I'd want to raise. I needed to know the why in every situation, spoke to adults as if they were my peers, and challenged anyone if I felt they were wrong. This included teachers, Sunday School leaders, and coaches. When I think back to childhood, I can't help but wonder why someone just didn't slap me. Everyday.
Actually, one Sunday morning when my mother was brushing my hair, I asked her why I needed my hair brushed. Why I had to brush my teeth for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristles used? After the hundredth question, and the unacceptance of my mother's answers, she got the brush and hit me in the head with it. Hard. I jumped up from the edge of the toilet seat I sat on and told her she was the worst mother ever. That was when it happened. My mother became a raging bull. I ran from her grasp...right through the front door. And she chased me right through the front door. Two houses down, my mother realized she was barefoot, running after an 8 year old, and wildly waving a brush. She stopped in tracks, gave me a look that said BEWARE OF MY WRATH, CHILD, and calmly walked back indoors. I don't know why I woke up this morning and thought of this story. Perhaps because I realized my hair needs to be brushed. My teeth need to be brushed as well for that matter. Who invented brushes anyway? Why was the brush invented? Why were so many bristled used? |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*Brushes. For obvious reasons. *The cracked LCD screen on my camera. Ugh. I cracked it on Thanksgiving and seriously thought I was going to die. Big diss to my stupidity. *Turkey. It's the ugliest bird and smells strange when cooked. Seriously, it does. |
| This week's KISSES go to:
*Ugg boots. I know there are plenty of people who hate these boots, but every fall I bring them out and my feet rejoice in their shearling bliss. *The holidays. Christmas carols at the dentist office? Red cups at Starbucks? My credit line being increased? Why, yes, holiday cheer is all around! *Bittersweet Memories Cookbook. I recently received an email from my past bride, Emily Hoffman, and she invited me to submit a recipe for a project she's working on: A cookbook filled with food related memories of people who've left their lasting memories in our hearts and bellies. Emily's mother lost her battle to cancer, but she left Emily with recipes to keep her legacy alive...Emily is now taking submissions for recipes from our loved ones and I suspect the book will be nothing short of amazing! If you'd like to submit a recipe, please visit the website to do so! *And a bonus kiss goes to Cyber Monday. I really don't know what it is, but it sounds cool. Happy Cyber Monday, Internet! |
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Kisses and Disses : Showoffs + Sleep
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I don't have dreams. Like, really, I don't dream. Once I'm asleep, my visions are sugarplums and fairies, it's just fantastical blackness. JD, on the other hand, has--and I'm not kidding--284 dreams a night. His are vivid and touchable dreams. So real they affect his mood when he wakes up. He'll sometimes wake up sad because we had an argument. IN HIS DREAM. And I'm all, but, dude, we're happy and we didn't get in an argument. But it was so real I feel like we did! So then I reply I'm sorry for arguing in his dream. And, for some strange reason, this makes him feel better. Weird.
So, last night I finally had a dream. But it was totally pointless and not cool. I didn't fly or save the world, I was merely stalked by Terrell Owens. Why Terrell Owens? I HAVE NO IDEA. I don't watch football and I ain't a fan of the Buffalo Bills. It was all peculiar. On our walk this morning, I was excited to tell JD about my dream. I tried remembering details, but I ended up with, So, Terrell Owens was stalking me. JD politely responded by saying that was strange. Then he went off on a 27-minute oration about one his dreams that included long-lost family members, the Irvine Spectrum, and--wait for it--Edward James Olmos. He's such a showoff. And now it's time for another dose of Kisses and Disses... |
| This week's DISSES go to:
*Delkin Devices ImageRouter. I've been on the hunt to find a great/fast/pimp card reader, so when JD surprised me with the four CF card reader to download at once, I was thrilled!! Well, I've discovered it's a piece of junk. It's USB, it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to load the images, and also states files are corrupted. When I tried culling a recent wedding, it was disastrous and a complete waste of time. Don't bother buying it! *Showoffs. People who try to one-up you with all their coolness. It was annoying in junior high, but when you're an adult, it's just plain tacky. Especially when said showing off includes Edward James Olmos. *Rain on wedding days. This past weekend presented a lot of hurdles because of crazy weather, but the bride was a total gem. However, it still rained on her wedding day. Which sucks. (Sidenote: Okay, so it rained on my wedding day, so I'm just gonna say what every bride wants to, but won't. Please don't tell a bride it's good luck if it rains on her wedding day. That's just plain silly. And patronizing. And could make any bride--frazzled from lack of sleep, stressed from seating arrangements, and tipsy from champagne--knock you out.) **And a bonus diss to our neighbor who already decorated his house...for CHRISTMAS. I mean, really?! |
| This week's KISSES go to:
*Daylight Savings. Oh, you, you crazy extra hour of sleep. I could seriously whisper fluffy things in your ear for allowing me to catch up on much needed rest. *Continental Airlines. The vegetarian meal provided for me was very nice. With many thanks to their chef, I wasn't relegated to bread, butter, and antiseptic handwipes for lunch. *OnDemand. Yesterday I caught up on The Office and I'm a better person because of it. No, really, Michael Scott...you complete me. |
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